Form Over Function

July 24, 2000

A baby wailed incessantly as I tried to eat my corn dog and read The Post in the K-Mart cafeteria on St. Mark’s Place last Thursday. I was so successful in blocking out its screams that when it did suddenly stop, I was jolted to attention.

When I looked over to see what miracle had brought on the silence, what I saw caused me do nearly hurl my lunch. The baby’s young mother had hiked up her tank top and was breast feeding him no more than five feet from me. Her large boobs with their even larger dark nipples were on full display as the baby sucked and chugged.

A functioning boob is not nearly as attractive as the display model. But that wasn’t what caused me such disgust. I just couldn’t believe the woman was doing it right there. She could have worn some special shirt with a flap, or at least turned away from the lunch crowd. "But it’s a natural and beautiful thing," some folks told me back at work when I shared this story. It is natural and necessary, but it is not beautiful. Pooping, peeing, and playing with oneself is natural, but they are not beautiful and we don’t like to see that in public.

These women need to be accommodated. Most bathrooms now have diaper changing stations. We need feeding rooms in every public building. Until then, ladies, please keep your breasts hidden.

Never in my life did I think I’d say that.

Broadway Jim Sosnicky